WALT add details to help our readers understand our story.
I also added interesting words, talking, similes, feelings and thoughts.
I went to the park.
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On a hot blazing Saturday afternoon my whanau and I went in our van to the park in Kaikohe to have some fun.
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I felt amazed and proud of myself.
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When I got to the park we saw lots of thing to play on.
I said, “Hmmm what should I play on first?”
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The first thing I did at the park was I played on the monkey bars.
I felt pumped because I love the monkey bars.
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Next my dad said that he would buy us some lunch. Our lunch was delicious.
“Mmm that was yum,” I said to myself when I was eating.
After lunch I was trying to decide what I should choose next to play on.
“I know, I will play on the swing,” I said to myself.
I felt happy and joyful.
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I enjoyed playing on the swing. I was going higher and higher.
I felt super happy. What a great day.
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